refleksi 2024

tahun lalu gue ngerasain apa yang dinamakan pure joy. pure. murni. kebahagiaan murni. i used to cringe at "bahagia itu sederhana" , tapi i guess that shit is real.

1. gue literally berdiri deket banget dan megang/ngelus/petting a fucking wild pony. WILD. kuda poni liar. which is actually different than actual kuda. ternyata bukan kuda mereka. kuda skala agak lebih kecil. kuda poni. warna hitam. and the beauty closed its eyes pas gue pegang. lo tau kan video2 kucing atau anjing lucu-lucu yang merekanya nutup mata pas dipeluk dielus digemesin????????? that wild pony did the same dan gue TAKJUB. ngerti ga lu... takjub. it's not easy to faze me but that one experience? gila banget............. lo paham kan rasanya berbunga-bunga? bahagia? joy?????????? gue kira gue paham, tapi that day brought up something new within me. gila cuy. gils. gue sampe berkaca-kaca woy pas udahan... kayak?????? woy!!!!! and did i tell horses are my favourite animal after cats!!! ya allah bersyukur banget gue ngerasain pure joy.

2. adek gue, yang sakit kanker leukemia waktu umurnya 15 tahun, 9 years later he graduated university with a fucking cum laude. jurusan kimia murni, dan cum laude. dari universitas negeri pula. cum laude kimia woy!!!! that's my fucking lil bro woy. he could have been a doctor but my parents didn't want didn't wish him to strain his body and brain too much. but he fucking did it mate. kimia. cum laude. that's my second pure joy di tahun 2024. bangga banget banget banget. bersyukur banget for sure.

3. berenang di laut. actually berenang ngerasain ombak dan lain-lain. lompat dari idk pillar. enak banget woy. been here three summers dan baru pertama nyobain nyebur. gila. better late than never tbh. it was pure joy. sederhana. worth it.

overall, 2024 was shit lol. sebegitunya sampe gue baru inget pure joy di akhir tahun ketika nulis diary wakakakakka. oh, iya ya. gue kan megang kuda poni. adek gue lulus S1 kimia cum laude. oh iya gue berhasil melewatinya. udah lewat tuh. allah nggak akan menguji gue tanpa tahu gue sanggup menghadapi ujian tersebut. it was shit ngl, but here i am. i will keep trying. there's hope for me. it was just a bad chapter, not a bad life. was a bad season, not a bad life. anjay.

self-reminder. to look back. here's to 2025 woy wakkakakaka we can do it.

I (F/30) am my father's son

when he actually has two.

                    My 9 years junior dislikes his middle name, cutely given after a French legend because our mother idolised the man after watching the 1998 World Cup. Has probably never been athletic at school. When asked whether he liked the match we just watched live at one of the famous football stadiums in England, he said, "It's okay."

        My 11 years junior used to like football. Probably only supports Liverpool because of our father, who is an avid fan. Likes big motorcycle more. Has never been into the World Cup or Thomas Cup ever since he was allowed to take the big motorcycle to hang out with his friends.

                    That left my father with me. His firstborn, who is a daughter. Who likes sports, plays a lot and is quite good at some of them. Very passionate. Took him and little brother number two to the national team's football match. Probably made him addicted to do so with his friends now that I am thousand miles away; I know, because he texts me with selfies whenever he is watching our national team in some stadiums, or a pic of the TV screen. That's how we communicate. I like it. It's our thing because he doesn't do it with his sons and I'm not saying I win.

    But, well. I am.

Bisa dibilang, gue adalah versi sukses dari meme ini:

Sorry, I can't relate. I (F/30) am my father's number one son.

buah anggur

the only reason gue milih beli anggur karena my late grandpa, with all of his missing teeth and his gigi palsu, cuma bisa makan buah tersebut for the last couple of years. dan anggur di sini murah, gede-gede, unseeded pula. also tahan lama, dan banyak. ga effort cuma butuh dicuci aja.

that's it really. 

sadar diri ini iri HAHAHA

so.

flatmate gue ada yang dari nigeria, cowok, seumuran adek gue keknya. kelahiran tahun 2000. dua minggu belakangan, mamanya dateng berkunjung. and what she does is not extraordinary or anything, tapi buat gue ya lumayan, soalnya blio masak. blio bawa bahan2 mentah dari nigeria yang kemungkinan ga bisa didapatkan di enggres sini. literally dua tas GEDE. kemudian dimasak. hours and hours of cooking. every. single. day. di dapur yang kita share. not annoying, karena blio ramah dan seru, cuma buat gue it's been quite extraordinary.

gue iri. LOL.

gue salut. gue merasakan respect buat ibu-ibu di luar sana yang melakukan hal yang sama. including my own. gimana yak. gue ini bukannya ga bisa masak, gue cuma ngeliat masak itu... bukan ribet. it just takes so much of my time gitu loh. apalagi masak masakan indonesia. gue ga pernah seniat itu masak masakan indonesia. cuma nasi goreng bumbu instan paling mentok. you know. cooking is a love language, ternyata. gue juga baru ngeh tahun lalu. oh. it's actually a big deal. gue sering dimasakkin sama temen-temen gue, dan gue pasti makan, pasti gue abisin, kalo enak gue bilang, kurang sesuatu pun gue akan bilang. gue belom pernah masak buat orang, i don't think. bantuin mami gue di dapur, sering, gue prep cook istilahnya, sejak dini. but here? ga pernah. gatau deh kenapa.

balik to my flatmate's mom.

ya itu. gue iri.

bukan karena mami gue ga pernah masak, woy gile lu her foods are >>>>>>>>>

ya intinya gue iri deh. ada sesuatunya. eakkk.

bersyukur, bam.

lo itu hater karena lo gatau apa-apa

alias gue. gue yang mayan julid soal F1. karena like, wtf? lo cuma muter2 sirkuit, buang2 emisi gas buang2 bahan bakar minyak. ternyata gue salah. ternyata emang benar adanya lo tuh hater karena lo gatau apa-apa.

therefore, riset.

maka dari itu, lo jadi tau dan terbuka pikirannya. horison lo jadi makin luas pandangannya eakkk.

F1 ya atlet. kompetitif. susah. ya emang dari kecil mereka udah balapan lo bayangin. dan kalo lo punya mimpi jadi atlet F1 either lo old money bapak lo gampang bakar duit buat menyokong hobi lo, or lo super mega fucking talented. mana gue baru tau lagi ada ex-gamer gran turismo yang jadi atlet racing beneran anjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj. that's the fucking dream ngl. dari hobi lo yang emang mengasah bakat, dan lo dibayar. lo living the dream. lo live your hobby. get rich while doing so. gokil. aamiin yuk kita juga bisa.

back to F1.

ternyata complicated. karena gue baru banget mendalami dunia design and thus, engineering, yes, we have another regret ladies and gentleman. kenapa dulu gue bego matematika dan akhirnya ga jadi engineer LOL. i should have been. coulda been. gila lu prestigious banget design dan engineering mobil F1. ah. tapi kan kata orang umur 30an ya masih muda, tidak ada kata terlambat. i can do it tbf. yuk!!!

intinya.

gue udah bukan hater lagi. mari kita perdalam informasi terkait F1. terutama di balik layarnya. huft.

chrome kaciw lol

gue cleared cache and cookies, lah semuanya ilang. passwords, BOOKMARKS. kamvret banget anj 

affirmations, vision board, creating system

jujur gue harus bikin list about what to write in this blog buahahahah. i am merely writing biar gak bolong harinya. btw, affirmations and vision boards are proven (?) to help us reach our dreams. gue termasuk yang percaya sih. contoh nyata; tahun 2012, gue ngefans parah sama boy group B1A4 kpop. gue yakin seyakin-yakinnya bakal ketemu mereka. seyakin itu. no doubt whatsoever, dan gue inget the yakin vibe-nya tuh gue cuma lakukan satu kali. yakin. then let go. dan bener aja di tahun 2013 gue menang fanmeeting abis konser BAHAHAHHAHAAH. literally foto sama mereka......... oh em gee...

kalo ga salah waktu itu gue baru baca buku the secret. sakti.

and systems are much better than cuma lo berusaha meraih goals. ketika goals lo udah tercapai, terus apa? apa kontinuitasnya setelah goal lo tercapai? with systems, lo bakal continue doing what made you successful in reaching your goals/dreams/etc. ciaaaaaaa.

semoga mulai besok gue bisa nulis berfaedah di blog ini bahahahhaha. yuk lah kita bisa.