ini prosa kali ya? monolog? also in english

Kalo lo bisa nebak prosa/monolog/rambling ini tentang apa, next time we meet, I’m gonna kiss your face. Suwer.

Alma, matters

You were always just there
On endless papers, alive on pretty abc’s,
Out of my mind
    (and maybe theirs)
I was inside of you (they probably never were)
For quite awhile and I
Was quite keen to get out
    Was I wrong, Alma?
I wasn’t wrong,
Look what I did to
You for a while
And I’m sorry,
    I really am, for
You’re always just there,
As you should be (for as long as I will always be),
Waiting,
Knowing—patiently that
You
And I?
We matter
We do
    Together

    First of all, she wasn’t my anything. She poised just like a newly formed mole around your mouth that popped out of nowhere after you stayed in one particular place with its particular weather for quite some time. Say, four and a half years. Because you made a bad decision, got lost, and it took a while to get back on track again. And suddenly, she’s there, on the left corner of your top lip. But that’s not the point. Or maybe it is? Because now that you think about it, those extra, unnecessary days had worn you out you were way too keen to leave her behind. Remember those bleak hours when you got stuck in your head, when voices were screaming at you to book the first flight the next morning back to where you began. Was it hatred you felt towards her? Hate is a strong word. I can never hate her, I know that for sure. She’s lovely, Alma. Different.

    ***

    My cousin introduced us. She was older than me, and so was Alma. When I said she’s different, Alma, that is, I meant it. Alma was already well-known among others for her humble beauty and superior brain and in spite of her rich background, she possessed an ability to blend in with the crowd and she never was conceited about it, unlike me, who was young and confused because everything was so new and although not quite overwhelming, like everyone had assumed, but it was close to make me lose track like I told you before.

    Alma was always just there. I never paid her attention, to be completely honest. I was probably only one among her other million admirers. Hell. I didn’t even admire her. I just had the opportunity. And they say you’re gonna miss her when she’s gone, only the irony is that she’s not going anywhere, it was me who left her, remember?

   

    ***

    So, I left.

    Can’t blame the revulsion I felt for her back then. It already happened, I can’t change anything. I didn’t hate her, but I’ve had enough of her. Of her kindness and vast knowledge. Of her blinding sight and how she made me feel alone. Of her hot and cold and her—my—our friends. I’ve had enough, and it was time for me to leave anyway.

   

    ***

   

    “Alma? Wow, okay,” they often say when I admit I was with her. “Okay, wow.”

    It takes me a couple of their, my new acquaintances who have never met you, awed exclamations to realize that you’re the only one, Alma, you will always be the only one with me because they never got the opportunity. You matter, Alma, please forgive me. It was never your fault, Alma, it was mine, you’re always you with your humble beauty and your superior brain and maybe I was only bitter because why couldn’t I be myself without you? If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be me, I get it now, Alma, I’m so sorry. Look at me now. I love you, I do.

THE END

cerpen english (mungkin romance mungkin bukan)

(dan mungkin, sedikit nyata baaahahahahhaha.)



Innocent Fire
(Not) a love story

    Have you ever been really, really into someone you actually think you’re on the verge of hating them?
    I did. I do. I don’t know.
    She’s pretty, I have to admit, the kind of girl who will always make you blink in wonder whether she’s bundled up in cardigans or surrounded by daisies and roses on her summer dresses. The thing is, she wasn’t in my radar at all. I doubt that I was even in her radar as well, not with the fact that we’re coming from different departments and she’s not staying at the dorm because she’s always riding her cute, brick-colored bicycle with a basket attached on the soft-angled handles to and fro her house, which is only fifteen minutes tops on sunny days.
    Me? I’m staying at the dorm, five minutes walk to and fro my building. And I don’t like to hang out after my classes, I’m unfamiliar with the green grass decorating our university’s main park, I don’t know what books the stone statues trio on the fountain are reading forever.
    I met her in the library.
    Her name is Krisan.

***

    I’m an only child. My cousins are all younger than I and they live too far off from here. They’re alright, just like how I find any other younger kids who will grin at me when I ruffle their heads in passing. This certain aspect of my life shaped me up to be a gentle boy; I’m always careful with the power I possess in my big hands and they, the younger kids and especially my mom, also say that I have a gentle smile. They like my smile. According to a little girl about six, some years ago, she felt safe when I smile.
    Maybe that was why Krisan smiled at me first.
    “Thank you so much,” she said as I handed over the text book she was reaching out. I couldn’t remember what the book was about. Everything, now, is a blur but her pretty smile. What was I doing in the library that day? Why did I go near the management section? Yet, somehow, I could remember that her lips were stained peach-like, similar with the apples of her cheeks. And her coffee-colored irises were reflecting the lamps above us. She was only about my shoulders, her black hair curling around her collarbones. She wore a cute peplum top and skinny jeans. She smelled like orange.
    Yeah, I mumbled, and still smiling that pretty smile, she continued,
    “It’s really you. I thought to myself, ‘I swear I’ve seen him somewhere before!’ Tell me, how was the little boy? Did his parents finally find him?”
    What?
    “The little boy you helped last week! At the mall, remember? You were so gentle with him he didn’t want you to leave him with the security guards. Did his parents finally find him?”
    Oh. Right. Enggar. His twin brothers found him not long after.
    “That’s a great relief!”
    Yeah.
    “I’m sorry, I don’t know your name.” She giggled and her eyes disappeared. Kind of. “I’m Krisan.”
    We shook hands and I told her my name.
    “Emil? Like, from the children book?” she put a strand of hair behind one cute ear. Her fingernails were painted in turquoise.
    I was surprised she knew the origin of my name. Emil was a character from my mom’s favorite childhood books. I’ve read some. He was a naughty boy with a clever mind and good intentions.
    “You don’t seem to be a troublemaker like Emil,” she giggled again, “I should go. My next class is about to start.”
    Oh, okay, I said. I wasn’t even disappointed at that time.
    “It’s very nice to finally meet you, Emil. I couldn’t shake off the picture of you holding hands with that little boy. You stood out just like that among the crowds!” she touched my left forearm. “Have a great day!” and I wasn’t even attracted to her back then.

***

    It’s not funny that Krisan was the name of a Japanese comic character’s favorite flower to be buried together with in her funeral. She got her wish fulfilled. Her krisan was all yellow, I remember it now. Krisan? She’s never just yellow. She always glowed.

***

    I fell head over heels for her when I really stared at the slope of her cute nose and the way her bony elbows moved as she tied up her hair in a neat ponytail. I asked her phone number and she always texted back within a heartbeat. Her laugh? I found a perfect song to describe her laugh and she laughed when I told her to listen to the song. I liked her. I was really into her. And then I saw her with one particular guy multiple times around my dorm, and I realized that the guy lived in the same floor with me and I remember I didn’t understand a thing.
    So I asked.
    “Ahmad? No one.”
    No?
    “No, Emil. We’re just friends, like you and I.”
    Hm.
    “Weren’t we going to eat? I’ve got something for you.”
    She’s a great cook. I forgot my awkward attempt at jealousy as she presented a hearty feast of broccoli frittata with smoked beef and cheese, her homemade tomato chutney, and lemon-cream mini donuts.
    Do you also cook for Ahmad?
    Krisan paused and she pouted like I broke her heart, not the other way around.
    “Aw, Emil, don’t be difficult.”
    It’s just a question.
    “Well, stop asking,” she whined, frowning. She added as an afterthought, but it’s effective anyway, “Please.”
   
***
   
    Girls tend to adore my towering height, followed by my hipster glasses and lastly, maybe they like my face; I’m not really sure.
    Did Krisan ever have a feeling for me? I didn’t know, so I asked. And her eyes were so lovely, all wide and confused and that was it, I was so sure that was the end, I was so ready for it to end, but of course I was wrong.
    “I’m so sorry,” she said, sincerely, but somehow I doubted it. She, at least, was aware of my act of paying for our apparently-not-dates and lending my favorite jacket for her when she had flu last week. I would never lend my favorite jacket just for any girl who swooned over my height and my glasses and maybe my face—no. She must have known. I was pretty obvious about it.
    But then again, not only I was Emil but I’m also stupid.
    Don’t be, it’s okay, you have Ahmad.
    “What are you talking about?” Krisan snapped, thoroughly insulted.
    You know what I’m talking about.
    “Why are you like this?” she frowned. I remember I never liked it when she did that. “What do you want from me?”
    Yeah, what was it again? You didn’t even know what you wanted back then, right, Emil? You liked her, that was the truth, but then, what? You broke up with your last ex because you thought what you did with her was useless, and you had really, really liked her, remember? Was it the thrill of the chase? If so, why did you ask, you goddamned haywire shithead, you got her answer, yeah? And what was it that you planned to do after hearing her exasperation? After realizing that she’s not into you? Have you ever been really, really into someone you actually think you’re on the verge of hating them?
    I did.
    I did.

THE END

cerita zombi 5

>>> hai. ezra kembali menyapa.
chapter ini agak-agak 'gore' nih, disarankan jangan baca sambil makan yak bahahahhahahaha.

update pendek, yang penting ane berhasil nulis chapter 5 setelah sekian lama.
kalo lo baru kali ini baca ezra zombie, jangan lupa cek tag http://logikatanpacela.blogspot.com/search/label/cerita%20zombi supaya lo bisa nemu cerita ini dari chapter pertama oke.

thanks. selamat baca.









If Ezra is being honest with you, he's never seen a real zombie before. The little girl from the first day he got sent out to the government's shelter didn't count. She wasn't vicious or anything, remember? She just chewed her dad's arm off.

The troops in the government's shelter never share about their battles, either. They keep to themselves; all solemn faces covered with dirt marching around protecting what's behind the walls, collecting supplies every two days and probably coming back with a new dozen of survivors and less of their own. They eat at their separated quarters and their interaction with the citizen are minimum to the max. Ezra would think that they're just being a snob because they're the troops, but sometimes he swears there are pain reflected in those adults' eyes.

Ezra doesn't know about the rest of his so-called teammates. Had any of them seen or directly confronted by zombies? Will their daily half-assed training pay off now that they're about to slay some? Will they be overpowered? Are the zombies fast runner? But the most important thing for now, what are they going to do next, escaping back to the government's shelter or continuing their silly mission to raid the minimart?

Is this what they often scream about in movies that they're panicking to hell and back? Is this how being hysteric feel like?

It's not a really good feeling, Ezra decides. He doesn't want to die. He's only seventeen.

All around him are Pipit, Tyo, Ambar, and David looking like they're not ready to do their best. Ezra can hear their irregular breathing and maybe if he concentrates—if he cares enough—he might hear their racing heartbeats.

The thing is, Ezra doesn't.

*

Aside from their very own deafening paranoia and the night's chilly wind, there are no sound at all. No lifeless groans or dragged feet meeting the asphalt. You know what? Maybe Ezra was wrong. Maybe he didn't see anything before. Maybe they should keep going.

And then Ezra hears it.

From a split-second glimpse he manages to get before David's scream piercing through the night, Ezra understands that the living dead is scary. It's a man; greying hair caked with dried, darkened blood, his eyes are empty, hollowed. Torn jaw showing the remaining of its mouth and yellowing teeth. He looks like a regular man you see on the street, medium height, wearing collared shirt and black slacks. Its arm, yes, only one, is reaching out, his spider like fingers are clawing at them. He doesn't have nails anymore, Ezra notices as he walks backward, pressed close to David who is of course moaning that he doesn't want to die no no no no—

Splat!

The lone zombie falls to its knees, skull split open thanks to Pipit's quick witted nerve to slash her machete right on top of its head. It's not a pretty sight. Is that brain? It looks like a mini version of intestine, only less red in color. There's a loud, wet crack when Pipit pulls her machete out and Tyo, followed by David and surprisingly Pipit, they vomit right on their spots.

Ambar gurgles, but she holds hers down.

Ezra jumps to avoid getting splashed by David's already processed fried rice dinner and whatever it is.

They've made enough noise as it is.

They really should get going.

ane bakal bikin post

tentang jalan2 santai ke korea. soon.

best movie 2015? shaun the sheep.

bahahahhahahah.

well tahun ini gua baru nonton 3 film kalo nggak salah.

- night at the museum 3

- kingsman

- shaun the sheep

humor kingsman cocok sama bamby. sarkastis. nggak klise alias nggak ada love line yang mudah ditebak. plat nomor taxi yang dicuri eggsy ada kata 'mom'-nya. koreografi action super bye. aktingnya eggsy. om colin firth dan 'manners maketh men'-nya yang melegenda.

lalu, tentu saja, shaun the sheep.

my spirit animal bahhahahahahaha. awalnya gua sempat nggak yakin kalo shaun the sheep the movie masih main di bioskop. tapi memang sudah takdir diri ini buat jadi fans berat shaun the sheep. yha maksud gua shaun udah ngebantu banyak di semester akhir perkuliahan sebagai notebook andalan. terus gua juga koleksi stiker timbulnya. bahkan gue pernah ngegambar si bitzer (anjing gembala bertopi berjam tangan itu ternyata namanya bitzer gimana sih lau bam katanya ngefans) dan diunggah di instagram. ha? apa? iya gua juga pernah copy serialnya di hard disk external waktu di jogja, di warnet-yang-sebaiknya-tidak-disebut-namanya-saya-kadang-merasa-sedih itu.

nggak punya kan lo

bitzer bawa peluit dan papan clip

tadi siang gua baru nonton. ntap. satu bioskop isinya cuman gua, satu keluarga ayah ibu dedek cewek, dan ibu bareng anak cowoknya. dan para orang tua itu juga ketawa ngikik karena film ini seriusan kocak, smart, dan simple.

anyway.

plotnya sederhana. shaun bosan dengan rutinitas peternakan. karena malapetaka satu dan lainnya, the farmer yang tidur di karavan tanpa kemudi nyasar ke kota, dan kecelakaan, dan amnesia. shaun dan bitzer dan timmy dan domba lainnya berusaha membawa/menyadarkan the farmer kembali. tentunya dengan banyak rintangan yang berupa tokoh antagonis petugas pengaman hewan liar.

terus bam? yha lu kudu nonton. atau copy di warnet-yang-sebaiknya-tidak-disebut-namanya-saya-kadang-merasa-sedih itu.

yang bikin salut dari film shaun ini buat gua adalah penggambaran peternakan dan dinamika kota besar yang, yah, bikin gua pengen balik lagi ke inggris LOL. langit birunya yang jarang berawan. sudut jalannya. taman kotanya. arsitekturnya. manusianya yang berlalu lalang; gua salut sama aardman (perusahaan animasi? yang bikin film ini) soalnya mereka dengan adil menampilkan orang-orang dari berbagai suku bangsa dan warna kulit di film ini. amazing. ibu-ibu pake hijab, bapak-bapak brewokan pake peci dan baju koko, nenek-nenek penjaga toko, artis kulit putih, kepala pelayan kulit hitam - dan detil-detil macam baju, perawakan, gaya rambut... wow. seriusan. wow.

eh. tapi kayaknya gua nggak liat etnis asia di film bahahahhahaha. next time, mungkin.

apa lagi ya.

humornya sih yang jelas. mungkin agak kurang bisa dicerna anak-anak usia TK sampai 10 tahun. tapi untuk target market di atas umur 10 tahun nggak bakalan ada masalah buat ngakak sambil terpukau akan ke-smart-an tim aardman. i mean. nyan cat ada nongol di situ.

satu hal yang sedikit kurang buat gua. transisi antar scene terlalu cepat. belom selesai ngakak karena kebetulan liat selipan joke, eh udah ganti scene yang lebih ngakak lagi. kurang nikmat dah ngakaknya bahahhahahaha.

jangan lupa lagu soundtrack-nya. amazing semua. tapi bamby belom google. coba ente google sendiri. tak sanggup, nuansa british-nya kental banget jadi super cool, mate.

bye.

intermeso: SIA

solois dari australia. namanya sia. wah berima.

anyway mungkin lo pernah denger dan liat music video sia yang judulnya 'chandelier' berikut ini:

which is really awesome. mistikal. memukau. that's skill. baik buat dedek maddie ziegler yang menari kontemporer (bener nggak nih ejaan bahasa indonesahnya) dan tante sia dengan nada super tingginya.

tapi masa 'chandelier' udah lewat buat bamby.

tolong tonton ini. judulnya 'elastic heart' live on SNL:

yo gini yha. gua nggak ngerti art. 'art' as in art yang dipajang di museum dan disaksikan penikmat art *mungkin gua barusan sarkas* bukannya cuma eh bam lo bisa gambar ya lo pasti nyeni anaknya.

bahahhahahahaha.

oke. so. penampilan dance di video barusan.

wow.

sering, dan emang terbukti secara ilmiah, gua mengaku sebagai makhluk datar. tapi video dance 'elastic heart' live on SNL barusan beneran bikin gua emosional. apalagi di menit-menit 3:00 sampai akhir, ketika dedek maddie ngamuk-ngamuk dan akhirnya damai dengan kloning dirinya yang lebih tinggi dan lebih tua. gua harus mengaku sekali lagi (dengan macho) kalo gua sempet harus mengerjap-ngerjapkan mata karena penampilan super intense tersebut.

wow.

mungkinkah bamby mengalami sensasi menikmati art yang sebenar-benarnya? ketika ada sesuatu dalam diri lo tergerak karena sebuah pertunjukan yang entah disengaja atau tidak disengaja diciptakan untuk menggerakkan sesuatu di dalam diri lo itu? bisakah bamby berkontribusi di dunia art dengan cara bamby sendiri namun tetap mampu menarik emosi yang sama dari diri lo sebagai penikmat karya bamby?

*menatap jendela diiringi lagu indonesia raya*

tolong ditonton. untuk intermeso.

review "the fall" dan "the night eternal"

alias lanjutannya review "the strain" http://logikatanpacela.blogspot.com/2014/11/are-you-are-you-coming-to-tree.html

dengan begitu, bamby udah selesai baca trilogi tersebut.

mari mulai dengan "the fall" yang ane baca bulan desember lalu.

nampang bentar yolo. jakarta kena virus juga ceritanya, maka bamby menyiapkan pedang perak. vampir strigoi takut perak. perak bisa menghabisi mereka. siapin aja yang banyak sob.

oke. "the fall".

flat paced. the usual important-mentor-shall-perish plot. masalah seru atau enggak hmmm agak susah dikategorikan, ada chapter yang seru tapi nggak banyak. endingnya mengecewakan bahahahaha.

"the fall" adalah buku yang paling tipis di antara ketiga trilogi ini. jujur gak usah dibaca, lo langsung lompat ke "the night eternal" juga nggak apa-apa nggak bakal ada kelewatan info penting bahahahah.

"the fall" bisa dibilang..... the overly toned down middle? nggak enak bener bacanya. macam the walking dead season 4 paruh pertama. emosi nontonnya.

anyway.

dan gua jadi mikir kayaknya gua memuji-muji "the strain" soalnya "the strain" adalah buku pertama, dimana chaos baru mulai terjadi; ketika virus vampir baru mulai menjangkiti, kita pembaca dikasih potongan-potongan sejarah dari virus vampir tersebut, penggambaran gimana penduduk manhattan dan sekitarnya kelimpungan, gimana tokoh-tokoh yang diceritakan dengan berbagai karakteristik menarik mereka menghadapi virus vampir itu. lebih seru dan bikin penasaran karena seolah-olah kita juga ikutan baru tahu ada virus vampir gitu. contoh gampangnya yha world war z, zombieland, the walking dead season 1, 80% film-film zombie pada umumnya soalnya film vampir yang bikin ngeri apaan twilight????

berhubung "the fall" mengecewakan, bamby pun menyiapkan diri untuk kecewa lagi dengan buku terakhir ini.

of course, i was wrong.

anggaplah "the night eternal" sebagai remedy dari ke-bye-an "the fall".

seru, bam, maksud lo? nggak, sob, nggak seru juga sebenernya. terus apa, bam? di "the night eternal" karakter utama kita yang namanya belom gua kasitau yaitu dr ephraim goodweather, doi masuk tahap pasrah. doi masih fight, tapi sebagai seorang 'hero' (perhatikan tanda kutip yang gua kasih barusan), karakter dr ephraim justru... nggak berkembang... doi justru... gimana ya. kalo gua pribadi bisa relate ke dia BUAHAHAHAHAHHA.

tentu, tetep ada love line yang dipaksakan. bah. malessssssssssss bangats asli.

apa lagi ya.

buat gua "the night eternal" emang penutup. the end. dan endingnya adil. kind of.

intinya, gua bangkrut soalnya "the night eternal" dibanderol 158.000 BAHAHAHHAHAHAH BYE. saran profesional nih ya, yang patut dibaca cuma "the strain". cuma buku pertama itu yang worth it dan bikin pengalaman membaca lo berkesan caelah.

begitulah.

until next book!