in response to 26/4 (see previous post):

i, in all sense of the word, was
a
   coward

but it was never about the pain;
pain, i could feel it
     it was there
in my bones and
 muscles
pain, has always been familiar but

this fear?

   i had never known it before;
this fear is unlike when
       you know you screwed up when
         you decide to consume horror or whenever
     you think you are scared

this fear?
this fear is lethal it’s
   in my head it’s
     eating away what i have built for years;

all those self-help books
   and mental exercises i prided myself to master they were
infinitely useless because of this;

irrational,
 hysterical,
  maniacal fear that made me reluctant to just use my knee like how it should be.

apparently, i can swim again.
biking is not out of the question.
you? you will always be there to see me wearing
ridiculous outfit and paying for our silver screen escapade every few months or so.

i will be alright,
       and so will you,
         (and then we all will).